My life continues to become more and more chaotic and I do not know when the storm is going to end.
It
has been six weeks since David quit his job and left for Michigan and
the pain is still just as fresh. As soon as the eye of the storm appears
and there is a calmness for a moment, something else will come up and
the waves will start crashing again. Today, it was that he cancelled our
health insurance, this past Friday he turned off all of the utilities
in our house. The utilities have been restored and I was able to start
the process of adding insurance through my job, which I am grateful to
have, but I will be paying $480 dollars a month for health insurance.
This would not be a problem, but David has refused to pay child support
and wants to give up his rights to our sweet, baby girl, Cadence.
I just don't know how much more I can take.
People
in my life want to know why I have not filled for divorce yet. The
answer is simple, my husband suffers from mental illness. I would not
want a divorce if he had cancer but people do not understand the dark
beast that is mental illness.
Today I am going to find
things to be grateful for because otherwise I would drown. I am grateful
for God's mercy and grace, because I have been forgiven, I am able to
forgive, I am grateful for the faithfulness of my little girl, who waits
daily on her father to come home. I am grateful that my husband is
still alive, because it allows me to have hope that he will have a break
and receive treatment. I am grateful for insurance, even though I do
not know how I am going to afford it. I am grateful for my family who
has been unbelievably supportive and helpful. I am grateful for my job,
health, dogs, and friends.
I am grateful for tomorrow
because weather changes quickly in Texas and a storm can only last for
so long. At least I hope that is true....
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